THE NEW WIDOW

The wrench is of being torn in half.

The mind says, the theology says
(the heart, stunned, is trying to say):
“It's joy to be in heaven with God.”
But the body, wondering, says:
          “Could this be tears of joy
          now that the frail, suffering body
          has failed as ballast for his soul
          keeping it
          on earth
                     a little
                     longer?”

Newly plunged into immediacy
of eternity's wide gulf,
vitality exhausts itself
clinging to anchors of every day.

All is catapulted into
a realm unfamiliar —
where places of priority
change:
          A game of musical chairs;
but participants change places
unwillingly, in strangest effort.

          Daily things are
          no longer daily.

          Friendships are velvet cushions
          from another world.

          Life is frozen somewhere
          beyond these feet —
          forbiddingly remote.

          Must bewilderment hide?
          Or, be allowed escape?

O let time be in abeyance,
as once it was when the sun
stood still for a day in history!

Let time and feelings cease just now.

And then?

“Then” will come
with new turf and strangeness.

God will have to take possession.

Gratitude comes later.

The years were long but brief.
In wedding hush, amidst the glamour,
words rang out to make us one.
Oneness now has new condition:
you in heaven, my feet still here.

Time wove us snug.
The years entwined us like a garland
'til this rude intruding severance
leaves me scarred and healing over,
wounded by familiar rooms.

No longer word or look
reminding us of history shared,
causing upward curve of lips —
warming us to new perspective:
stirring us to present action.

No longer old hurts
surfacing to find new truths;
new love breaking forth
for new blunting of old pain,
kindling up encouragement.

Now:
          new singleness.
Regrets and appreciations emerge
in dizzying fashion to challenge each moment.

Now:
          searching for anchors,
fast beating pulses seeking to slow,
slowing at last to sweet oblivion.

And after oblivion?
Then?

“Then” is becoming “Now.”

God is taking possession.

I allow it;

Gratefully.

Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)